Favorites from the Road

Well it's been a great deal of months, so if there's anyone out there reading this, congratulations on becoming my biggest fan. Though I've really wanted to get a new post out sooner, I've been extremely busy with all of life's important distractions.

Above: Distractions

It's been a long road since June or July or whenever I last updated, but suffice it to say I'm settled down just a couple short blocks away from the St. Vincent de Paul thrift store of Marquette, my stomping grounds of olde. Anyone who's read this blog before knows I can't help but creep around a thrift store, amassing the gems. Money spent on cool junk you might not really need is always money well spent.

So while there's no way I'm emotionally capable of covering all the great merchandise I've picked up (best to ease back into this blog after abstaining for so long), I grabbed a few favorites to share with you, my biggest fan.

I tried to get a good mix so as not to cause my limited audience to check the site for an update on a whim, only to become immediately bored with what I'm throwing down. Cool, weird, dumb and silly may all be found within.

I'd like to start with some familiar territory.

ROKKON ACTION FIGURE ROCK GUY!

In a $2.50 grab bag with some wrestling guys and wooden blocks that appear to have been painted by mental patients were three figures hailing from the Masters of the Universe (MOTU) action figure line, aka He-Man, the most powerful man in the universe. Out of these three, the only one I didn't already own was Rokkon, the Stone Warrior.

Released in 1985, the line had already been going for a few years when Rokkon came out, and though I love the Masters, I can't help but admit they were grasping at straws when they created Rokkon, who was marketed to children based solely on his ability to turn into a rock.

Missing from my Rokkon is the gun accessory, which would plug into the hole in his chest and make him absolutely impenetrable while in "rock mode." Cool.

As for "rock mode," it gets even worse when you realize it looks less like a rock than it does Rokkon bending over, smelling his own farts.

You know it does.

NOVELIZATION OF HALLOWEEN III!
Halloween III: Season of the Witch, better known as "That stupid one without Michael Myers," is undoubtedly the most shat upon entry in the series. Considering Halloween: Resurrection featured Busta Rhymes beating the hell out of Michael Myers with a slew of WWE wrestling moves, that's an achievement.

If you don't know much about the Halloween series, you're a weenie, and you're probably wondering why a movie three parts into a series is missing its main attraction. *Spoilers* Basically, Halloween wasn't originally intended to be about Michael Myers, which is why he is pretty convincingly killed at the end of Halloween 2. The series was instead supposed to focus on the many terrors that can happen on Halloween. I think that was a cool idea, but people were so pissed at the lack of Michael Myers that to this day, nobody can even tell you what Halloween III is about. Any mention of it just raises complaint about his absence, and people start scratching their heads over why it was even made. The next film in the series was Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers, and he's been back ever since (He actually appears once in Halloween III, on a television screen).

Not that Halloween III is a good movie. It's pretty damn silly when it comes down to it. The movie is about how the Silver Shamrock Mask Company wants to kill all the little kiddies with masks implanted with computer chips containing a piece of Stonehenge. On every television throughout the film, you're basically bashed over the head with the Silver Shamrock commercials counting down the days to Halloween with this jingle: (Warning: Video may cause seizure)

And that's just the final version. When the movie starts, Halloween is still eight days away, which means EIGHT MORE DAYS TIL HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN EIGHT MORE DAYS TIL HALLOWEEN SIL-VER SHAMROCK and so on and so forth. The reason Silver Shamrock is counting down is because on Halloween night, all the little kiddies are supposed to put on their Stonehenge-tainted maskies and watch the magic pumpkin on their television. Whatever the kids expect out of it, they would instead get their heads turned to poisonous bugs, spiders, snakes and other creeps. The nasty creatures would then kill anyone else in the vicinity, i.e. the parents. Since this is something of a witchy movie, being in the title and all, I guess the whole turning kids heads into bugs thing is supposed to be some kind of pagan sacrifice or something. Oh, and the Silver Shamrock company has androids working for it. Androids that look exactly like pee-pul.

But it's not terrible. And I'm really digging that pumpkin mask (they actually sold all the masks as a promo). Like many B-movies, there's at least some part of the movie that makes it watchable. For me, it's the part where a kid's head turns into bugs.

Now you can see why I'd want to own this in novel form. Bonus! Two stickers, ET and a scratch-and-sniff apple, stuck to the inside cover.

Thanks, slob.

SHE-RA GOLDEN BOOK!

Straight out of 1985 comes this very pink hardcover book, She-Ra, the Princess of Power, also known as the kind of thing thrift store dreams are made of.

Male or Female, only fools don't get down with She-Ra, He-Man's twin sister. Separated at birth, He-Man protects Eternia from Skeletor, while She-Ra protects Etheria from the Evil Horde. When He-Man started getting stale in the mid-eighties, She-Ra was created with her own show and toy line (though the Horde was sold with the MOTU line), breathing new life into the franchise.

Bad ass interpretation by *nebezial on deviantART

As far as the contents of this book are concerned, there seems to be a real lack in production value. The drawings are okay, though any half decent illustrator could replicate them quite easily. Here are two of my favorite spreads:

One picture looks like complete shit because the artist obviously didn't know how to draw two female bodies trapped in a net and piled on top of each other. Where did he learn to draw?

What the Hell is going on?

The writing is bad, in that "long story short" kind of way. Here's an example paragraph:

"Adora picked up the Sword of Protection. She could not stop looking at the bright glow. She didn't see the rebels climb the wall. They captured her by surprise, and she dropped the sword."

Not so Golden, but I don't care. In fact, its badness just adds to the overall charm. Apparently this is the first book in a set of four, so you know I'm watching for the other three.

...

And now, for the grand-daddy of all thrift store finds in recent history, I give to you...

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: THE MAKING OF THE COMING OUT OF THEIR SHELLS TOUR VHS!

*heeeeeeep* That's right, I hold in my hands this ridiculous and moderately rare ($8-$30 eBay asking prices, few listings) VHS tape from 1990, sometimes known as "Behind the Shells." This is a full blown 30 minute documockumentary following four guys dressed like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) during their live concert tour, "Coming Out of Their Shells." What they really do is jump around on stage and pretend to rock while everything plays from the background.

The thing that makes this movie ridonkulous is they treat the turtles like real people. Yeah, they really run with it. I can't give specifics without watching the damn thing again right now, but take my word for it. Now, that might have been okay had the turtles appearance been up to par with how they looked in the first movie.

.. but they look like shit. Their mouths rarely move, even during close-up interviews. And what's with that bondage gear? They look more ready for a leather dungeon than rock and roll. I'm not even going to get into the feet: two-towed, green and glorious in the original film, now just some cheap white sneaks. Obviously this was at the point when the turtle money tit had practically run dry, requiring squeezing to the point of bruises and swelling. Around this period was the only time in history that it would have been uncool to love TMNT.

The VHS features the turtles hit single "You Can Count On Us." Give this a listen and see if it's not in your head all day:

So if seeing a guy in a turtle suit try to pretend-bash on a drum with no discernible sense of rhythm is your cup of tea, you ought to see the turtles come out of their shells, on The Coming Out of Their Shells Tour.

Interesting side note: the whole tour was sponsored by Pizza Hut. Didn't know that? You would if you watched this tape. My favorite part is when some Pizza Hut bigwig is addressing a room full of kids about the success of his bullshit marketing campaign while the kids all wear the expression of "Derp... Where the turtles at?" Then the four clowns come out doing their cheap turtles impersonations to thunderous applause while the pizza exec sits back and no doubt thinks "I don't get it, but there's money here."

And for a real stinger, here's April O'Neil's bit:

I can't begin to imagine how much fun it was for the five- to ten-year-olds watching in the thousands to sit through that monstrosity. I mean, who paid to see April O'Neil?

The actual concert had its own VHS. If you have it, send it my way. In exchange, I'll tattoo your name inside the crack of my buttocks.

Oh, and Splinter looks like shit.

Dune: My Ongoing Fascination

Arrakis. Dune. Desert Planet. Where to begin? I'm not sure when I first heard the name "Dune," but until a couple of years ago I only had a vague idea of what it was. A book? A movie? A TV series? Turns out it's all three.

A first edition copy of Dune will fetch prices upwards of $10,000, even copies with heavy wear

 As in most cases, the book came first. Written by Frank Herbert and first published in 1965 (by a publisher whose normal business was auto repair manuals; Dune had been rejected by more than twenty publishers), Dune went on to win the Hugo and Nebula awards, and is commonly accepted to be the world's highest selling science fiction novel. It's quite complex in its layers, but at the center is Paul Atreides, a displaced ducal heir who becomes the prophesized messiah for the people of the Arrakeen desert, the Fremen. Taking the name Muad'Dib, Paul leads the Fremen in a massive revolt against the emperor, eventually seizing the throne and bringing the universe under a new rule.

There's much more to Dune than Paul, of course. The spice Melange, mostly just referred to as "The Spice," is a kind of crazy mind expanding hallucinogen found only on the planet Arrakis, also known as Dune. It serves all kinds of purposes, from psychic abilities to the ability to fold space, allowing for instantaneous travel. There's House Harkonnen, the sworn enemies of House Atreides, whose vile methods are in sharp contrast to the noble Atreides, making them the perfect villains for the story. And of course, there are the sand worms, Shai-Hulud, "the old man of the desert," who make traveling in the desert a deadly peril, and always disrupt production of the spice mines. These beasts are massive, anywhere from 100-400 meters long. What makes them extra kick-ass is that the Fremen have mastered the art of riding the worms, giving them power over the great killing machine.

Somebody's Lego interpretation of Dune. Pure genius.

My first experience with Dune was not through the book, however, but the 1984 David Lynch film. I had known about this film for few years, but didn't hear much about it other than it was supposedly really long. A few people I knew told me that they liked it, so I wanted to give it a shot, at least. It wasn't until a year ago that I finally got around to it, getting the DVD from Netflix. I was going through a David Lynch phase, watching all of his films, and Dune was one of the last I had left to watch. I started to hear that this was a bad film from some online sources, including that it was Lynch's one film that he himself disowned, but I wondered how bad it could possibly be. I was intrigued by the screenshots and brief descriptions I had seen, and it was a David Lynch film, after all. I had a sneaking suspicion I would enjoy this film. I was right.

Above: The greatest Dune poster you will ever see

From the opening scene with the crazy faced orange alien (a third-stage Guild Navigator) talking about the new machines on Ix, I knew I was in for a hell of a spice trip. The rest of that first viewing was more or less an assault on my powers of perception, and at the end I wasn't sure exactly what I had just seen but knew that I was in love with it. My next priority was to find the book and get to the bottom of whatever dimension I had been given a taste.  When I failed to find it at any flea markets or secondhand stores, I bought a seventeen dollar Bible-esque copy from a Borders Books in Pennsylvania. Seeing as Borders seems to be going by the wayside, it's a nice sentimental detail to go along with Dune.

Yes, it's bigger than Muad'Dib.

From page one, I loved this book. It was one I was always excited to pick up and read, and from a book, one can't ask for more. I also got a hold of another copy of the movie and started watching the parts up to the point where I was in the book, gaining a far greater understanding of the film. I also came across a great amount of differences between the two, and while I was at first mystified by some of the things created by Lynch for the film, I came to love them. Now I appreciate both the book and the film for their own qualities.

Paul-Muad'Dib (Kyle MacLachlan) wearing a Weirding Module, one of Lynch's creations for the film.

What really intrigues me about Dune is that, not only is it unlike any other Science-Fiction film, it is unlike any other film, period. I feel this is to due with the multitude of elements at work on all levels. The themes of the film range from politics to religion to ecology and on. The visuals contain a strange and interesting blend of old-fashioned style royal castles and costumes with gnarly space suits and ships. There are dream sequences as well as the repeated motifs common in a Lynch film. There is romance, warfare, betrayal, and revenge. Obviously, it is a difficult film to summarize in typical fashion, which no doubt contributed to the fact that most critics were completely confounded by the film. That Dune has become a cult phenomenon suggests that this is a film ahead of its time. Critics missed the boat, as they often do. Fuck the critics.

Also, this movie has STING.

But the intrigue doesn't stop at the film itself. In the early eighties prior to its release, the Dune film was a huge deal, and the producers tried to push it as the next Star Wars-type science-fiction hit, resulting in a massive marketing campaign that of course failed, but gloriously so. The reason being is that Dune is no Star Wars. It is a much colder and darker science-fiction vision, so the mass appeal of Star Wars is not present here. The most incredible aspect is how hard they tried to sell Dune, a PG-13 movie, to kids. Somehow, power struggles between interplanetary fiefdoms over mining contracts and mind expanding drugs didn't go over on kids as much as they originally planned. Regardless of the inevitable failure in making Dune something it wasn't, a huge variety of Dune related products were released to consumers and took their place in history.

From left to right: The Beast Rabban, Stilgar, Paul Atreides, Baron Harkonnen, Feyd-Rautha. Not pictured: Sardaukar Warrior

At the forefront of the merchandising charge, as is common in these cases, was the action figure line. Like most things related to the Dune movie, these mostly just sat on store shelves. Released by LJN Toys, who were also behind the Thundercats figures, they're all figures of quite a nice craft. Made of solid durable plastic, they stand above five inches, making them larger than the popular GI Joe and Star Wars figure lines by an inch or more. Perhaps this was another reason why the line failed, as figures were in transition from large and bulky to smaller and more posable. Despite all that, this is an impressive looking lot of figures that manages to capture the weird vibe of the film.

There is a high probability that this will be the only Sting action figure ever.

So far, I've only managed to collect five of the six action figures, but only two have any accessories. Feyd has the box with the cat with a rat strapped to it from that one scene in the film (yep), and the Baron is complete with his one accessory, the suspensor belt that allows him to levitate in the film. I don't even know how many Barons I have, but it's at least three, because he came sold with other figures a couple times. He is probably the most common figure.  The most sought after is the Sardaukar Warrior, and I haven't managed to get my hands on one of those yet. They show up on eBay now and then, but typically the price goes beyond my meager budget in a hurry. Someday, someday.

The fun doesn't stop there, because there are also some vehicles to accompany the figures, including one they can actually ride in. Better than vehicles however is the Sand Worm. Yes, a toy Sand Worm from 1984, posable from two joints and detailed to look a great deal like its film counterpart, this is the crown jewel of the Dune toys. I'd be willing to bet this is one of the best toys from the eighties, if not the most underrated. It's a SAND WORM toy. How much better does it get? Oh, I don't have this either. :(

Plenty of things got the Dune treatment in an attempt to hype the film. There were bedsheets, pajamas, party favors, and even a lunch box/thermos combination from Aladdin. One of the rarest items today is the Dune 3D Viewmaster set. Those sell for over a hundred bucks easy.

My personal favorites out of the pile of Dune merchandise, however, would have to be the five coloring/activity books. Those things are INSANE, and I am proud to say I own them ALL.

This is where it gets really mind blowing, because unlike action figures, these seem to be explicitly written for a younger audience, and yet not for a younger audience at all. Though they tried their best, the adult oriented themes shine through the uncolored pages.

Like this one.

And especially this one.

Finally, thanks to Dune, kids were able to color in dead bodies. They were also free to choose what color to make the boils on the Baron's face. But it wasn't all coloring. There were puzzles as well.

The first part of the answer is "They tried to take the life of my son."

Giving one of these coloring books to a kid in the eighties would ensure troublesome teenage rebellion in the future, through strong evidence for the claim "My parents never understood me." Thankfully, this means that there are no pages colored, no puzzles solved, no human markings of any kind. It really makes me wonder where exactly these have been in the past twenty five years. It's not as if they're in mint condition. They've clearly been opened plenty, so someone has been flipping through them. It makes sense now with Dune collectors, but there probably weren't many of those in 1984. Someone had to buy the books first, and not use them. What may have been some kid's disappointment all those years ago is now one of my favorite pieces of property. For enthusiasts of weirdness, these coloring books take the spice cake.

There was technically a sixth book to go along with these, but it's a bit different. And by different, I mean it's a pop-up book. Yes, Dune has one of those. I own it. And it's awesome.

Yeah, you know you love it.

In the front and back of the book are little punch out characters and vehicles, probably to be used with the pages of the book. I thank God on my knees that none of these were punched out over the years, nor have any fell out, though some of them are getting close, so I have to be gentle when folding out those pages.

There are four scenes presented in pop up form. It may not seem like a lot, but someone did a great job with this book, because each scene makes me pee a little. I took the liberty of photographing the best one for your viewing entertainment.

Yep, the worm. You were expecting the Addams Family?

All these Dune products for a movie most kids would be unable to comprehend. It all contributes to making Dune a unique film, one that will never happen again. It took the combination of a strange but well written and popular science-fiction story, cult director David Lynch, who had never before and would never again direct a big budget film, a mix of character actors and unknowns, and this crazy marketing campaign to make Dune what it is.

At the time of its release, Dune was a notorious movie bomb, at least in America (it was big in Japan). Today, this is not so much the case. The film became more successful when released to home video, and today can be purchased on Blu-Ray. The cult impact is undeniable. Of course there are still naysayers, but such is the case with any cult film, which is what makes it "cult." I myself had the pleasure of watching the film, on Blu-Ray, on the big screen, and I was blown away. Clearly, this is a film meant to be seen on a large scale. The lavish set design can only be truly appreciated on a theater screen. There were high aspirations for Dune, and it shows in the detail.

Dune is a very special film for me. I don't pretend that it's the greatest film ever made, and it certainly has flaws, but perfection is not what I seek in cinema. What I seek is entertainment, and to be reached on some emotional level. I want movies that people enjoyed making and, come success or failure, tried their best. Dune is such a film. I watched it Christmas morning, and in fact watched it again last night. It never gets old, and continually leaves me in awe at its power and scope. In fact, the film has become a sort of religious experience in itself. It's a difficult thing to put into words, but those who make the effort of understanding the film will understand that if you go along with it, Dune will carry you through space and time. A place beyond your dreams. A movie beyond your imagination.

Note: All references to the Dune film refer to the original David Lynch cut of the film. I've seen the Extended Version and it really, really sucks.

Well, what the hell.

It's been a while, but Secondhand Jesus is finally ready to get back into the blogging game. Since I last reported in about a year ago, I've wasted plenty of my money on cool stuff, so I can get to some of that maybe later on. I also will be blogging about whatever I find in any store, not just St. Vinny's, because I don't live so close to a Vinny's at the moment, and I don't think anybody will care anyways. Is anybody even reading this? Let's get to it.

I got paid on Friday, and Secondhand Jesus was itching to spend. Spend I did, but have no regrets, as usual. Since I'm keeping Secondhand in the title, I figure I'll get to the secondhand stuff first. This stuff came from The Yard Sale, a store in Laurium, MI if you didn't know. I've spent a lot of time and money there, but it was all worthwhile.

Paperbacks!

I ended up with a lot of science fiction, and though it wasn't intentional, there's something really cool about old sci-fi paperbacks with their strange covers. These are books that feel great to hold in your hand, and they all have that musty smell that belongs in old books. They were a buck or two a piece, which is an acceptable price.

I've read and own the first three Dune books. This is my second copy of Dune and my third copy of Dune Messiah. After watching the Dune film by David Lynch last summer, I fell into a sort of craze, but I'll get to that in a future post. The third book on the top is ten short stories by the author of Dune, Frank Herbert. This is the book I was most excited to purchase, because it was the only one I didn't know existed. Discovery is a great feeling, and goes to show how much better it is to shop in stores rather than online, as I can find items I never knew I wanted until they're in my hand.

I need to read more Vonnegut, so that was a great find, and I've been wanting to read Brave New World for a few years now but haven't seen it secondhand until now. As for The Puppet Masters, I picked that up because I always thought the title was cool, not to mention that the cover kicks ass, and I know Heinlein is a big name in sci-fi books. Now I've got more great reading at my disposal.

I also found a DVD at the Yard Sale, but I'll get to that with the other DVDs. The rest of this shit I got from Wally World.

DVDs!

On the bottom is the first three Alien movies in one regular package, which I found at The Yard Sale for seven bucks. Three movies, seven bucks. You just can't beat that kind of price. The disks all look like they're in pretty good shape, so essentially it was the type of good deal I live for.

On top are two five dollar movies from Wal-Mart. For movies like these, five dollars is a triviality. North by Northwest is one of Alfred Hitchcock's best films, starring Cary Grant in one of his most memorable roles. It's a must see film with everything from comedy to action to suspense to romance. Anyone who hasn't seen this film is seriously missing out. 12 Monkeys is a film by Terry Gilliam, well known for his crazy ass movies. I've only seen it once, but it's just the kind of crazy I like to have on my DVD shelf. After I saw 12 Monkeys I watched the short experimental film it was based on, La Jetee. Both recommended if you're into oddball cinema.

Legos!

As a youngling, Legos were some of my favorite toys, and in retrospect, probably the best toy of all time. Recently, I caught the Lego bug once again, so I came home with a couple small pieces.

 

 This is the Bunny Suit guy from the latest Lego Minifig line. Basically you get a small bag with all the pieces of a mystery figure inside, waiting to be put together. There are twelve or so in all and are marketed as a "Collect Them All" type of deal. I was hoping for a Space Marine, but this guy was like my #2 for obvious reasons. He's just a really crazy guy.

 Avengers Legos! I loved the Avengers movie so much I saw it twice in the theater, so of course I wanted some Legos to go with. This is the Captain America cycle set, which is currently the only Lego set to come with the Captain America minifig. That much alone makes it worth it, but it also comes with two different minifigs of the Chitauri, the villains of the movie.

Though Cap never rides this in the movie, it's still a cool little piece, and makes a great vehicle for Cap. The only downside to this set is the friggin' decals on the two different vehicles. Do they have to be impossible to put on straight? There are no marks on the platic pieces for where the decals should go, so it's up to the buyer to get them on straight on their own. Of further complication is the fact that the decals are clear, which means they pick up every bit of oil or dead skin on your fingers as you try to make it not so obviously diagonal. Decals suck, because they can make or break a toy. If you put them on shitty, you're stuck with that, no matter how cool the toy might be otherwise. Wash your hands before messing with them.

Well that's all I have for this time around. It's been great having something to think about other than my job, so I'll be back with more updates soon. Until then, take it sleazy.

A Couple of Mugs

Is it Monday already? I'm sure if you checked out some useless scientific data, you'd find that Monday is the weekday with the highest amount of coffee consumption. However, if you're tired of drinking from a boring paper or Styrofoam cup, you oughta step it up with a stylish mug. You'll be looking cool, and at the same time not filling up a landfill, or littering on my lawn. If you're looking for an edge over your coffee drinking peers, you might consider one of these.

Let's start with the guy on the right.

Kidney Mug!

I'm familiar with the line of cartoon organs that were used by some medical company on a variety of products, and when I saw this mug on the shelf, I recognized it to be so. When I turned him over, sure enough, stamped on his foot was "KIDNEY." All of the cartoon organs were amusing, but unfortunately I can't seem to find any information about them at the moment. If anybody knows anything more about the organs, post a comment and let me know. The only other identified mug I was able to find was the stomach, and the person didn't have any more information about it. You can see what that looks like here. There's also a group shot of a few, but I can't say I'm medically inclined enough to know what they all are, although one is surely a liver. See it here.

Anyways, the fact that the medical company responsible somehow succeeded in transforming something like an internal organ into something cute enough to drink coffee out of is nothing short of miraculous. You'll no doubt be the talk around the water cooler when you emerge from your cubicle with one of these babies in hand.

Cost of Kidney Mug: $.10

Joe Camel Mug!

You know, I really miss Joe Camel. I'm not sure there's ever been a cartoon character as cool as Joe. He always wore sunglasses, and he was always smoking. The slogan isn't "Smooth Character" for nothing. I don't remember the names of the other Camel characters, but they were nearly as cool as Joe, dressed to the nines and puffing away.

Perhaps some of you are too young to remember Joe Camel, so here's the rundown. He was an extremely popular character used to advertise Camel cigarettes, but eventually some whiny Americans began questioning whether using a cartoon to sell cigarettes wasn't influencing children to smoke. Then late one night, some unidentified figures in windpants were seen entering Joe Camel's apartment building. The next morning he was found burned to death in his bed. The coroner concluded he'd fallen asleep smoking, but many felt that there were still questions unanswered, spawning a mass of conspiracy theories which to this day have not been silenced.

Where the merchandise comes in, such as my fantastic mug, is with Camel Cash. With more crackdowns on smoking these days, it's unlikely that there are still rewards to be won by more smoking, but back in the day, each pack of Camels would come with one Camel Cash note stuck to the back. The notes could then be collected and used to buy merchandise from their official catalog. Marlboro did much the same thing with Marlboro Miles. The prizes weren't just crap, either. They ranged from the smaller items like the mug I bought all the way up to camping equipment, even electronics. All I can say is I'm glad someone else did the smoking so that I could enjoy the mug. It's a good mug, an edgy mug. RIP Joe. Your coolness lives on. In cancer cells.

Cost of Joe Camel Mug: $.25

So yeah, mugs! Mugs are fun, and mugs are cool. Mugs are real neat. I think I like mugs. These mugs are also related, because smoking is bad for your kidneys.

Bite Some Bubbling Brains!

Quite a find today. It took a minute for me to fully absorb what I was looking at, but once it dawned on me my arms suddenly reached out instinctively and reeled it in. Something I haven't seen in years...

Doctor Dreadful Freaky Food Lab (and a few extras)!

Lightning not included.

Please tell me somebody else out there remembers Doctor Dreadful. Along with Creepy Crawlers, it was one of the major toys I had as a kid. Both of them were similarly themed as scary-ish do-it-yourself playsets. Creepy Crawlers were fun to make, but seeing the squishy insects coming out of the oven probably made kids think of gummy snacks. Eating Creepy Crawlers wasn't something that they recommended on the box, though, and that's where Doctor Dreadful came in.

There were multiple Doctor Dreadful playsets. The Freaky Food Lab, which is what you see taking up the left side of the picture above, was the main one, and there was also the Drink Lab, some of which you see on the right of the photo. There was also some sort of Ice Cream Lab, but I never had it and neither did anyone else I knew, so I never tried it. Come to think of it, I don't think any of my friends had Doctor Dreadful, period. I must've been the only one. For this, I am blessed.

There are a few snacks that you can make with the food lab. There's foamy brains, gummy spiders, brains, worms, and wolfman, as well as monster skin. And the best part of the one I bought today? The packets of powder are still with the set! The same goes for the drink lab. The packets were outdated in 2006, which isn't so long ago, and I'm optimistic about the results I'll get whenever I'm feeling brave enough to attempt to create some "Frozen Foamy Filth" or other such concoctions. Some of them are opened, but have been sealed in Ziploc bags, so they're still powdery, and not rock hard. What's the worst that could happen, other than slow painful death?

There were also two unopened refill packets, located in the center of the picture, which also contain recipe cards. The price tags indicating them as reduced Wal-Mart merchandise are still on them. So let's get this all straight: somebody bought the Doctor Dreadful Food Lab. At some point, they also must've bought the Drink Lab, although it may have come secondhand because there are some missing pieces, the biggest being the battery operated pump for the beaker and test tubes. The Drink Lab pieces also appear to be from the original run, that is, the run from when I was a kid, while the Food Lab seems a bit more modern with a bit of stylistic differences. Also, the Food Lab packets are all sealed minus one, while every single drink lab pack is open and in a single plastic bag.

THEN the same people, despite not using the packets they already had, bought two refills packs, and again did not use them. Thus, 5-10 years later, everything gets stuffed into one box and brought to St. Vinnie's, where it is purchased by the Secondhand Savior. Then again, there's a Christmas tag on the outside of the box reading "To Jillian From Santa." Could Santa also have made a pit stop at Wal-Mart on the way over, just to make sure dear Jillian had enough Bubbling Brains to last through puberty? Unfortunately, dear Jillian was a bit of a shit, only sampling a single packet of brain powder before forever rejecting the notion of such a toy's existence. She buried it deep in her closet with everything else she took for granted and forgot about it. Once she was off to college, her parents dug it out and brought it to Vinnie's, probably still pissed that the god damn kid begged for this piece of shit, tried it once and dropped it. They looked to the sky and prayed that Secondhand Jesus would resurrect Doctor Dreadful from the plastic scrapheap.

Anyways, someday soon I'll be giving ole Doc Dread a whirl, so if I don't return with any more posts, you'll know it killed me. Call some paramedics so I don't decompose into the carpet.

Cost of Doctor Dreadful Lab Extravaganza: $2.44

Thppppppppppppppppppppppppp!

Ah, gifts.

Well it's spring break for NMU students, and while many of my student peers are escaping to a tropical paradise, I've been making the best of my free time at home, playing Nintendo and having an adventure all my own. I said I'd post something this week, so here goes.

When I arrived at the home of my good friends Kara and Orion last Thursday, they informed me that they had a present for me, and then handed me this.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Power Board Game!

Wow, what a beauty. I mean, there is almost nothing wrong with this game. Everything is there, and the biggest damage is a little bend in part of the box. No biggie. My guess is that this game was used maybe a couple of times before being forgotten in a games closet for years until it was time to clean it out. Since this game is from '87, chances are it hasn't been played in twenty years.

 The game itself is okay. The objective is to use your good guy cards to defeat bad guy cards on the board, collect a certain number of each, and then have a final showdown with the Technodrome. Where the problem comes in is with this thing:

Turtle not included.

To do battle, you have to land the die in the correctly numbered square. To defeat the Technodrome, you need to land a 1, 2, and 3, and you have only four tries to do it. Needless to say, nobody defeated the Technodrome when we played. I got to the point of battling it a couple times, but to no avail. I was lucky if I got two numbers by the fourth flip. We gave up disappointed. However, we were playing on carpet, and when I tried the flipper on a hard wood floor, I was able to accomplish the task with relative ease. I guess it's all about where you try it.

When I was putting all of the pieces into the box after taking the pictures, I found something interesting buried in the bottom. It was an old birthday card.

Somebody gave this to their special nephew as a birthday present and the card was put back into the box and forgotten. The inside reads "... From takeoff to landing! Happy Birthday" and is signed, "Uncle Jack, Aunt Pat, Grandpa." Unfortunately there's no year on the card, and no name of who the card was given to. Judging by the semi-yellowed color of the card, it has indeed been hidden inside the box for some time. Perhaps some of these people are dead and gone by now. Even if that is the case, they bought someone a cool birthday present once, and for that, they'll be remembered. Since it was also a gift for me years later, I'll just pretend that I'm the nephew.

Cost of TMNT Board Game: A gift! Thanks, Kara and Orion!

That's about all I got for now. I gotta get back to my vacation from book learnin'.