The New Face of Vinnies

Walking into Vinnies today, it was like a brand new store. Apparently over the last week, they've had a big clearance sale and got rid of all the shit I'd looked at a million times. Today, it was a fresh beginning. Oh yes, it was a fresh beginning all right. Before I go on, I'll have to let you know that your ole pal Secondhand Jesus is reeling a bit today, so just keep that in mind if I say something that makes no sense. Shall we begin? It's the 25th of March and I'm more than ready.

Goosebumps Book!

Why's it in my mouth? Shit, I don't know. Who knows where that book has been?!

Yes, the game I found was nice and all, but I was on the look out for the real thing! Today, I found it. An official Goosebumps book, and one of the ones I most fondly remember. See, at one point, Secondhand Jesus was in piano lessons himself, and although he was a bit embarrassed about that fact as a child, in retrospect, it was kind of cool, even though piano teachers are all a bunch of fuckin' weirdo's. If you've ever taken piano lessons, you know what I'm talking about.

So yeah, I really appreciated this book as a second grader. I even had a T-shirt, or maybe it was a long sleeve shirt, but who cares anyway: a shirt with this book cover on the back. I wore it proudly, because even though music is a beautiful gift to bestow upon the world, I still felt like a dork. I also wore plaid pants, BEFORE it was cool. And purple socks, like the kid from Harriet the Spy. So yeah, never question why Secondhand Jesus is such a nut. He took piano lessons and wore purple socks with plaid pants.

Wow, I said almost nothing of Goosebumps. Oh well.

Cost of Goosebumps book: $.56

Shroom Candle!

Not a very good picture. Sorry, I felt the need to stick the featured item in my mouth again.

Secondhand Jesus encourages mind expansion through the psychedelic experience. That is all. Wait a minute... what's with all the jet-black SUV's pulling up outside my apartment? Wow, look at the automatic weapons. Hey, they're headed for my building. Apparently these people are trying to prevent the mass realization that all living beings are of once consciousness, that we're all a force of continuous energy forever recycled on this planet, and that there's no reason to fear death, ever, as long as the Earth continues to exist in its natural cycle of everlasting rebirth. Now they're in my room. I think they mean to shoot m--

Cost of Shroom Candle: $. 74

Okay, folks, now for the mother load (I didn't really get shot by the way).

Batman Light!

Don't be like Secondhand Jesus, kids.

Okay, collectively, I'm more of a Marvel Comics man, but I'd be in denial if I didn't say that individually, Batman is the greatest comic book character of all time. There's not much more to be said, really. Batman kicks that ass. And he's a goofball! He runs around in a bat suit, bat car, bat plane, it's all on the goofy side, if you really think about it. Even so, none of that matters, because I guarantee, I GUARANTEE, that you can find the most hard-ass person you know, I don't care how many fights they've won, I don't care how much time they've served, that person will tell you that Batman is the fuckin' shit, even if it's between throwing gang signs up in your face.

It's kind of funny because Batman is "The Dark Knight," and here, they've made a lamp out of his ass. Suddenly, The Dark Knight isn't quite so dark anymore. It's understandable though, because now, instead of ridding the streets of Gotham of crime, he's staring down the bogeyman that tries to come up from under my bed and eat me. Keep on being a shining beacon of hope, Batman!

The Dark Knight, all lit up.

Cost of Batman Light: $2.95

Oh, and I found this cool mug, too.

No Bullies Mug!

Say no to bullies, yo!

Cost of Anti-Bullies Mug: $.10

And that's it for today. I hope all of that made sense.